Where I've Been

It’s been a month since I last updated this site. I didn’t mean for a month to go by, but then again, no one ever plans on things going wrong. I took a break from writing on this blog due to a few factors. There’s the normal “it’s cold and gray and that makes me not feel motivated” feeling that I get every year. This year, I also had a few unexpected events and stressors in my personal life that gave me zero motivation to do anything. The combination of these factors made me feel incredibly depressed for a number of weeks. To be perfectly honest, I still feel somewhat depressed, but I believe it's getting better.

Rather than gloss over the way I’ve been feeling, or pretending that I didn’t go on an unexpected hiatus, I want to talk about it. The situation, while far from ideal, gives me a reason to talk a bit more about my mental health, and mental health in general. Because depression is a bad word to some people. Others think it's synonymous with “sadness” which we all know is not the case. Going outside isn’t going to cure my depression. Telling me i need to eat organic won’t “fix” me either. I put fix in quotation marks because I don’t like words like that because “fix” implies something is broken or wrong. Depression isn’t unnatural. It’s one of the most common mental illnesses in the adult population.

When I began feeling this way, I pulled back from doing things I enjoyed. That’s one of the more well-known symptoms of depression, loss of interest in things that you used to enjoy. At one point, I spent an entire day on Youtube watching video after video about the latest drama in the make-up community because I couldn’t do anything else. I can’t really pinpoint where the turning point was for me or what made me realize I needed to make some changes, but it was around this time. So, instead of pulling back from everything, I took a step back and re-evaluated. Was I trying to deal with too much at once? Where could I make changes? What were small things I could do that made me feel like I’d accomplished something? It’s a slow process, it’s still ongoing and I doubt there will be an end date, but I’m getting better. I’m feeling better and that’s what matters to me.

I’m not a psychologist or therapist. I’m aware of the fact that I’m not qualified, at all, to give advice about dealing with depression. Everyone’s different, what works for everyone is different. There’s a reason why some people who are diagnosed with depression decide to take antidepressants while others choose to see a therapist and still others do neither. There is no one-size-fits-all solution. I started writing this post mostly because I wanted to talk about what I’ve been going through. I apologize if that seems selfish.