Five Habits I’m Hoping to Abandon in 2020

As the saying goes “New Year, New You”. As 2019 comes to a close, and what a year it’s been, I’ve started looking forward to the new year. I’m pretty sure everyone is and people have already started discussing their New Year’s Resolution. Personally, I never make a resolution. I’m not going to criticize anyone who sets a resolution, or any goal really, but that kind of thing never works for me. I set a resolution and if I fall behind or I mess up, I start beating myself up about the delay and/or setback and that causes me more stress than fulfilling the resolution itself.

With all of that said, I’ve compiled a list of five behaviors or habits I’m trying to rid myself of in the coming year. I hope posting it on here, and doing check-ins every now and then will motivate me to actually stick with this.

5) Saying “No” Out of Fear

I mentioned in an earlier post that people don’t like change because its scary. I’m reluctant to try new things because they might not be fun or I might not be good at it. But, as you can probably see, there’s no way I can know until I try. This habit doesn’t just refer to say, learning how to rock climb, it also encompasses a habit I know I’m guilty of. If I’m invited to something, and I don’t think I’ll know enough other people there, I don’t go. Looking back at how many times I’ve sent the “sorry, something came up, I can’t come” text in the last few years makes me sad. How much time with my own friends have I missed out on because I’m scared of being awkward or not knowing many people? So, my aim in 2020 is to do less of that. To still go to the party, even if only two or three people I know are there. To actually go to that art class or on that trip.

4) Eating Unhealthy Foods

So, I kind of have a problem. I love junk food. I know pizza, Doritos and Oreos aren’t healthy for me, but I love them none the less. I also know that there are improvements to my diet I can, and should be making. Eating more vegetables and whole grains, trying to reduce the amount of sugar and saturated fats in my diet. I’m not planning on making any huge lifestyle changes, such as going vegan or cutting out all carbs, but I’m going to try and eat a little healthier in the new year. Less fast food, less red meat, less processed food, etc. I’m hoping this change might help improve my energy levels and reduce some other occasional issues I've been dealing with.

3) Holding Onto Anger

I’m a human being. We don’t always act rationally. When people wrong me, or anger me, I hold onto it. I know that’s not healthy. I acknowledge that its not healthy for me mentally. I don’t enjoy being angry all the time. So, I’m going to try not to be. Instead of focusing on how Person A cut me off in traffic, or a confrontation I had with Person B three days ago, I’m going to start learning how to let things go. After all, anger hasn’t helped me get anything constructive done in a long time.

2) Spending on Things I Don’t Need

I feel like this one is a no-brainer, but I’ll explain anyway. I’m in my 20s. I’m pretty much broke, as most people are in their 20s. However, I don’t want to stay broke. Part of this comes from having debt I’m paying off, or just not having enough savings. In order to build up your savings, though, you need to actually save. My hope is that in 2020, I’ll be a little bit wiser and be more fiscally responsible. I don’t need to order takeout as often as I do. I can bring lunch to work instead of buying it from the closest sandwich shop. Now, that’s not to say I won’t splurge occasionally, but I’m going to put a serious effort into reducing my day-to-day spending.

1) Procrastinating

At time of writing, it is December 23^rd. Christmas is in two days. I still haven’t finished my shopping. A lot of my day-to-day stress comes from the fact that I procrastinate. I convince myself I have way more time to finish something than I do, then I freak out when the deadline is right around the corner and spend more time worrying about getting the task done and the quality than it would have taken if I’d either completed it earlier, or slowly worked towards finishing. I feel that procrastinating less will hopefully make my 2020 less stressful.

Those are the habits I'm hoping to abandon in 2020. Wish me luck!

Why Is It So Hard to Know Yourself?

Photo by Doug Robichaud on Unsplash

Why Is It So Hard to Know Yourself?

I was talking to a friend recently. I'd told her a few months ago that I had decided to start online dating again, but I hadn't mentioned it in a while. It came up in conversation recently, and she asked me how it was going, if I'd met someone new, if I'd stopped looking, etc. My answer probably sounded a little strange to her (but I also overthink things) because I said I'd pressed pause on dating for a little bit, as I was dealing with some personal stuff.

My personal stuff wasn't anything bad or serious. I just realized that I needed to figure out who I am now. To be clear, I haven't gone through some major life change recently or anything. The closest major thing I can think of that happened was getting my first "real" job, and that was almost a year ago.

Still, recently I've been trying to figure out who I am. Because I'm a real adult now. And not only am I a real adult, but I'm having to think about things differently. I'm learning to do things for myself, like dealing with car problems myself instead of calling my dad in a panic. Or signing up for, and completing the necessary paperwork, to get health insurance or start a 401k. Needing to do these things for myself for the first time is an interesting and eye-opening experience. I don't know anything about investments or who I want my beneficiaries to be.

Anyway, I'm getting off-topic. I've been taking some time to figure out who I am now. The fact that I needed to do that made me start thinking. Why is it so hard to know yourself? Why is it so hard for anyone to know themselves? I think I might've found the answer, or at least, an answer.

It's so hard for us to know ourselves because we don't like change. As humans, we change throughout our life. At 25, I'm not the same person I was at 16. When I turn 35, I won't be the person I am now. That's natural, it's human nature. But in our ability to change comes a contradiction. We don't like change, we often don't want things to change. Change is scary. At the same time, we know its inevitable. We know change is how we grow. We just don't want to admit it. Some of our reluctance comes from fear of the unknown. Entering a new stage in your life means new challenges, gaining new perspectives. Some reluctance comes from regrets. Opportunities we didn't take full advantage of when we could have. Chances we didn't take.  Behaviors we aren't proud of. It's a well-known trend that most of us find old journal entries or old photos and cringe at the clothes we used to wear or the dreams we used to have. We don't want to move from where we currently are, but we don't want to be stuck there either.

We're always changing. Always evolving, Always learning. This is why I dread being asked "tell me about yourself" because I don't fully know who I am. I don't know if I ever will.

I apologize if this is a little too heavy or too philosophical for some, but I needed to get it off my chest.

The Awkwardness of Office Secret Santa

It's December which means its holiday season. With the holidays comes many traditions I love, and one that always makes me nervous: office secret Santa. Now, don't get me wrong. I like giving gifts, I like doing gift exchanges. And I love the general feel of the holiday season. The one thing I don't love is when the gift exchange/secret Santa happens in a work environment.

I feel like the best way to explain my awkwardness and anxiety would be to back up a little bit and do some explaining. I'm 25, meaning I just started my career. I'm still at my first full-time, "real person" job. And the office secret Santa means I have to buy a gift for someone I know, yes, but also someone I work with. In a secret Santa exchange among friends, I know the person better and I've got a better feel for how they think and what they like. I do work in a small office, so I know almost everyone, with the exception of one employee who works remote and I've never actually met. However, knowing someone in a work setting is much different from knowing them in general. Adding to my anxiety is the fact that many of the people I work with have been working together for years. Two of the more senior staff members have worked together for over forty years. I know my coworkers, but not that well, having only worked there for less than a year.

I happened to get very lucky since the person who's name I drew is someone I sort of know well. By "sort of well" I mean that I was able to weed out a few ideas of things she might not like. I was terrified that I was going to draw the name of either one of the heads of the company, or someone I rarely speak to. However, even knowing my giftee didn't improve on my anxiety. I spent days looking through articles and posts about what to get my office secret Santa. I didn't want to get her something specifically for the office, as that seemed a little lame. I also didn't want to try and get anything that was too specific, like something with the logo of her favorite sports team on it, because I wasn't convinced that I would pick the right team. Lastly, I didn't want to get anything too basic or easy. Giving someone a mug with their first initial is fine as part of a gift, but not the whole gift. Gift cards take almost no work.

I suppose my anxiety about this topic comes from not wanting to give a "bad" gift. What is a "bad" gift, you may ask? I really don't have a concrete idea. I suppose in this context, it would be a gift that looks like I didn't put any thought into it, or one that doesn't fit the giftee's personality well. Now, deep down, I know that the woman I'm buying a gift for will appreciate whatever gift I get for her as long as its thoughtful. She's one of the nicest people I've ever met and I honestly don't feel like the point of Secret Santa is to somehow one-up everyone else in my office. Rationally, I know that. Emotionally, I'm just worried about looking stupid or seeming like I don't care.

So, with what I know about the person who's name I picked, a $20 gift limit and everything I mentioned above, what did I get her? A scarf. I bought her a scarf made out of a really soft fabric and the color will look good on her and bring out the color her eyes.

This experience has taught me exactly one thing: I need to get to know my coworkers a little bit better to avoid getting this stressed next year.

Anyone Else Have a Weird Job?

So, I get asked basically the same question on every first date and every time I run into someone after not seeing them for over two months. What do you do for work?/Where do you work? It’s an understandable question. Given that I’m no longer in school, I clearly must have a job. The problem isn’t the question itself, its in me not knowing exactly how to answer it.

For some people, that question is easy. I ask what they do and they say “teacher” or “nurse” or “police officer”, etc. For others, it involves a little more information “I work at a nonprofit”, “I work in marketing”, “I work in a research lab”. The average person knows what that means or can guess. For me, I need to either choose between giving an answer that’s not entirely true, or needing to spend the next few minutes explaining further in depth. Because not only do most people not like to think about the industry I work in, but most don’t know that companies like mine exist.

Let me back track a bit and explain: I work in the operations and commissions department at a brokerage general agency for life insurance. I’m guessing most of you have no idea what that means. If you don’t, that’s fine. I’m not going to explain it, because knowing what it is isn’t important to the point I’m trying to make.

Here’s the problem with the “what do you do” question for me: explaining what a brokerage general agency is confuses a lot of people. They either hear “I work for an insurance company” or they hear “I sell insurance”. Neither of which is true. I sometimes try explaining it again, other times I just say “kinda” and move on.

Thinking about the way that conversation usually goes got me thinking about how many other people are in the same situation. I’m sure there are plenty of jobs that not everyone knows exist. It’s either in such a specific field that only others in the same field would know about it, or its not an industry most people interact with on a daily basis. How many weird or hard-to-explain jobs are out there that I don’t know about?

Anyone else have a job other people wouldn’t know about?

Why Are Christmas Horror Movies a Thing?

Why are Christmas horror movies a thing? Yes, horror is a pretty large genre and you could theoretically make a horror movie about anything, set during any time of the year and, with the right writing, acting and directing, it will be scary. My confusion comes from where the desire to make Christmas, or anything taking place during that particular season, scary.

For me, when I see a horror movie trailer with lame taglines lines like "Jingle bells, Jingle Hell" I wonder what drunk moron came up with that. Then, I decide that movie's probably going to be stupid and decide not to see it.

See, for me there's a weird tonal dissonance between the horror genre and the holiday season in general. They don't really combine well to create fear. Horror movies that take place in October don't have that problem. The setting, being around Halloween, adds oomph to the plot and ups the scary factor. Horror films that are set in remote areas, same thing. The setting lends legitimacy to making me think its a "real" horror movie.

Christmas and horror, not so much. There are plenty of horror films that take place in the winter, but the movies I'm thinking of always feel the need to combine horror specifically with Christmas. Someone's murdering guests at a holiday Christmas party. There's a serial killer who dresses up as Santa to commit his crimes. The fact that "Santa" is killing people completely takes me out of the story. I can't suspend my disbelief that much.

So, that's my view about holiday-themed horror, what's yours?

Picky Eaters

Over the 25 years I’ve been alive, I’ve met plenty of picky eaters. (And for the record, people with food sensitivities, religious dietary restrictions or those who choose to be vegetarian/vegan don’t count as “picky” for the purposes of this argument.) Also, I'm not including kids right now, because I'm willing to give them some leeway. I find picky eaters’ entire existence to be weird to me, but then again, I don’t consider myself picky. There are three or four things I refuse to eat, but that’s it. After a lot of thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two types of picky eaters: removers and non-removers.

Here’s what I mean- Person A and Person B are both picky, and for the point of this argument, they both dislike the same food, say mushrooms. They both go to a pizza party where all the cheese pizza has been eaten, leaving only mushroom left. Person A will remove the offending topping and eating their now mushroom-less pizza. Person B will sit in the corner and sulk about the fact that there’s no cheese pizza left. Person A is a “remover”, Person B is not. I tend to dislike Person B a lot more.

Don’t get me wrong. People like what they like. Everyone in my family except me likes zucchini; hearing how much they like it doesn’t make me any more inclined to eat it. But I also don’t expect everyone else to accommodate my preferences. If I dish has something I don’t like, I’ll eat around it or get something else. If cheese pizza is the only kind of pizza you’ll eat, and you refuse to remove any toppings you dislike, either ask someone to save you some, or get in line before all the cheese is eaten. It’s not my responsibility to make sure your specific tastes are accounted for.

Thinking about picky eaters, in the above example, got me thinking about picky eaters at restaurants. Having worked in food service before, I’ve got some strong opinions about accommodating people with very particular taste. My philosophy boils down to this: be realistic and don’t make your specific order super disruptive to the person making it. You want a burger, but without lettuce? That’s fine. The burger is made-to-order, they can just not put the lettuce on. You want clam chowder without potatoes in it? Not gonna happen. The chowder’s already been made, the kitchen’s not gonna make a separate soup just for you. It all depends on what you don’t want and are trying to remove. My sister doesn’t like poached eggs, but she loves eggs Benedict; her solution is to order “eggs Benedict without the egg”. She gets weird looks, but its possible to do that. A restaurant probably can’t give you dairy-free fettuccine Alfredo at the drop of a hat. If the ingredient you don’t like can’t easily be substituted out or removed, order something else.

Everyone’s tastes are different. I understand that. But I can’t really understand people who know they don’t like something and refuse to put in a little bit of effort to avoid it.

You HAVE to See This Movie!

It’s a sentence I hear most of the time when someone finds out I haven’t seen a particular movie. I’m told that I absolutely “have” to see this movie. Sometimes the reasoning is just “it’s a classic, how have you not seen it”. Other times, the person acts as if seeing this one movie will completely change my life and I won’t be the same afterwards. Either way, the insistence is the same. I have to see that movie.

Do I though? Do I really? If I’ve survived 25 years having not seen Gone With the Wind how will my life suddenly be different having watched it? If I’m fine having never watched Rain Man, I don’t see how I’ll be a completely different person two hours and thirteen minutes later. I don’t need to watch The Sixth Sense because I knew what the twist was before I was even old enough to watch the movie. Avatar may have, at one point, been the highest-grossing movie of all-time, but I’ve never had the urge to see it.

Now, for the most part I understand the sentiment. The movie in question is a well-known movie and/or one that did well at the box office. Or maybe its just this person’s favorite movie and they want other people to see it to see what they think. My problem isn’t with someone insisting I see a movie. It’s more that, sometimes, it gets hyped up too much, or the reason the person insists I see it doesn’t make sense to me. This kind of falls into two categories: movies I need to see because they’re classics, and movies that were popular.

Let’s talk about classic movies first. Just because a film is a classic doesn’t mean its good. Citizen Kane is considered to be the greatest film of all time, but the story itself isn’t great. A lot of the accolade comes from technical aspects of the film being excellent. The cinematography, the editing, the musical score and plot structure. The plot itself isn’t that great. The only thing most people remember from Citizen Kane is the whole “Rosebud” thing, which I knew about before having watched the film. There are also some cultural or social reasons why I don’t want to see a particular classic film. Plenty haven’t exactly aged well. The Jazz Singer isn’t just a classic film, it made history since it was the first feature film to have full sound. There’s also a lot of blackface happening in the film. I think too many people equate a film being influential with it being good or entertaining. Those aren’t always the same thing.

Also, let me take a brief break and bring up something related to the “it’s a classic argument” that I think people overlook. There are some movies I don’t want to watch because, while they may be classics, I know they’re going to upset me. The premise itself is going to upset me. I don’t necessarily want to watch a movie that I know is going to make me cry my eyes out. Certain topics, even certain time periods, I know the movie’s going to upset me, so I don’t watch it. I don’t care that it’s a classic.

And now, for the other category, films that are popular, so therefore everyone must’ve seen them. Box office sales aren’t necessarily a measure of quality. The Transformers films did well at the box office and they’re 80% explosions with barely any plot. The Saw films made a lot of money, but they don’t have much to offer other than a bunch of fake blood. If you want proof of ticket sales not being proof of quality, look no further than the Fifty Shades films. I rest my case. I want to watch films that tell interesting stories. A film doing well at the box office, or winning awards, doesn’t promise that. There are plenty of Best Picture awards that have been given to boring movies. Or just bad ones.

Look, opinions are relative. If you think a particular movie is amazing, that’s great. Maybe I agree, maybe I don’t because we have different tastes. I’ve met people who hate the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe because they don’t find any of it that interesting. I was once talking to someone who didn’t like Star Wars. There are people out there who’ve never seen, and never wanted to see, Harry Potter. To me, that’s insane, but that’s just me. My point is, I haven’t seen every movie you have, I might not want to see every movie you’ve ever seen. Stop making me feel guilty or weird for not having seen it.

Are there any movies people insist you see that you really don’t want to?

The Dating Chronicles (Part I)

I've decided to document my weird/funny experiences dating these days. The names and any super specific details are being changed for privacy reasons.

So, dating these days isn't exactly easy. No one really meets anyone in person anymore. We meet all potential future partners on through apps and other dating platforms. While this gives a wider array of people to meet than just being introduced to a new person by friends, there are plenty of issues with it. Just look at the existence of MTV's Catfish if you need further explanation. There's the added issue of communicating with someone most likely exclusively through messaging through the dating app, or some other messaging system before meeting them for the first time.

The One Where I Went on A Date With Myself (But More Negative)

I started looking for a new relationship through a website (that also had an app, but its known more as a site than an app). I'd been single for a while, and it seemed like it was at least worth a try. After a few rounds of people turning out to be bots trying to get me to download some app or sign up for some website, and a few rounds of the quintessential "you didn't respond to me as quickly as I wanted, time to text insults and threats at you", I finally matched with someone who was a real person. Let's call this person Andy.

We began talking and realized we had a few things in common. We were both into science and a little nerdy. We messaged for a few weeks before he asked me to dinner. I agreed. The day comes, we meet at the chosen location. We sit down.

He starts talking and I realize...we're basically the same person. 

Andy and I went to the same small college. We had the same major. We took the same classes, with the same professors. The only reason I hadn't met him before this moment was a slight age difference. He was two years older than I was. 

And so, dinner went from "let's get to know each other" to "let's take a very long walk down memory lane" and I was not interested in going there. If I wanted to relive my college days, I'd either 1) got to grad school like everyone keeps telling me or 2)actually pay attention to the emails they keep sending me about alumni events. College wasn't a bad experience for me, it was just done and sitting there, talking about every professor I'd ever had and hearing Andy's opinions about fellow classmates of mine wasn't particularly interesting. It didn't help that most of the people who were mentioned, he didn't have anything nice to say about. If I wanted to spend a few hours listening to someone complain about other people, I could just stay home and watch rant videos.

Anyway, so we went to the same college at the same time. And we have the exact same interests. We dislike similar things. 

And then, he brings up one of two forbidden topics on a first date: politics. Now, don't get me wrong, that's a question you need to ask this day and age, given the political climate, but once we had the "what party do you vote for" conversation, I didn't want to spend twenty minutes listening to him list off all of the ways we're going to die soon because of the current administration, but that's what happened. 

Look, was Andy nice? Yeah, I guess so. But there was no spark, it didn't feel like a real date. I wanted to leave before dinner arrived. First date, you want to make a good impression, but he didn't. When I told other people about this date after the fact, I explained it like this "imagine going on a date with me, but I was more negative". 

Bottom line: I like myself, I like who I am, but I don't wanna date myself. I don't have the patience for that.

Welcome!

Hello!

Welcome to my first ever blog post on the blog I don't really have a plan for. Unlike my book review blog  I'm just going to post whatever I feel like posting on here. This is probably going to be a mess, but its hopefully it'll at least be an amusing mess.