Why Is It So Hard to Know Yourself?

Photo by Doug Robichaud on Unsplash

Why Is It So Hard to Know Yourself?

I was talking to a friend recently. I'd told her a few months ago that I had decided to start online dating again, but I hadn't mentioned it in a while. It came up in conversation recently, and she asked me how it was going, if I'd met someone new, if I'd stopped looking, etc. My answer probably sounded a little strange to her (but I also overthink things) because I said I'd pressed pause on dating for a little bit, as I was dealing with some personal stuff.

My personal stuff wasn't anything bad or serious. I just realized that I needed to figure out who I am now. To be clear, I haven't gone through some major life change recently or anything. The closest major thing I can think of that happened was getting my first "real" job, and that was almost a year ago.

Still, recently I've been trying to figure out who I am. Because I'm a real adult now. And not only am I a real adult, but I'm having to think about things differently. I'm learning to do things for myself, like dealing with car problems myself instead of calling my dad in a panic. Or signing up for, and completing the necessary paperwork, to get health insurance or start a 401k. Needing to do these things for myself for the first time is an interesting and eye-opening experience. I don't know anything about investments or who I want my beneficiaries to be.

Anyway, I'm getting off-topic. I've been taking some time to figure out who I am now. The fact that I needed to do that made me start thinking. Why is it so hard to know yourself? Why is it so hard for anyone to know themselves? I think I might've found the answer, or at least, an answer.

It's so hard for us to know ourselves because we don't like change. As humans, we change throughout our life. At 25, I'm not the same person I was at 16. When I turn 35, I won't be the person I am now. That's natural, it's human nature. But in our ability to change comes a contradiction. We don't like change, we often don't want things to change. Change is scary. At the same time, we know its inevitable. We know change is how we grow. We just don't want to admit it. Some of our reluctance comes from fear of the unknown. Entering a new stage in your life means new challenges, gaining new perspectives. Some reluctance comes from regrets. Opportunities we didn't take full advantage of when we could have. Chances we didn't take.  Behaviors we aren't proud of. It's a well-known trend that most of us find old journal entries or old photos and cringe at the clothes we used to wear or the dreams we used to have. We don't want to move from where we currently are, but we don't want to be stuck there either.

We're always changing. Always evolving, Always learning. This is why I dread being asked "tell me about yourself" because I don't fully know who I am. I don't know if I ever will.

I apologize if this is a little too heavy or too philosophical for some, but I needed to get it off my chest.

Why Are Christmas Horror Movies a Thing?

Why are Christmas horror movies a thing? Yes, horror is a pretty large genre and you could theoretically make a horror movie about anything, set during any time of the year and, with the right writing, acting and directing, it will be scary. My confusion comes from where the desire to make Christmas, or anything taking place during that particular season, scary.

For me, when I see a horror movie trailer with lame taglines lines like "Jingle bells, Jingle Hell" I wonder what drunk moron came up with that. Then, I decide that movie's probably going to be stupid and decide not to see it.

See, for me there's a weird tonal dissonance between the horror genre and the holiday season in general. They don't really combine well to create fear. Horror movies that take place in October don't have that problem. The setting, being around Halloween, adds oomph to the plot and ups the scary factor. Horror films that are set in remote areas, same thing. The setting lends legitimacy to making me think its a "real" horror movie.

Christmas and horror, not so much. There are plenty of horror films that take place in the winter, but the movies I'm thinking of always feel the need to combine horror specifically with Christmas. Someone's murdering guests at a holiday Christmas party. There's a serial killer who dresses up as Santa to commit his crimes. The fact that "Santa" is killing people completely takes me out of the story. I can't suspend my disbelief that much.

So, that's my view about holiday-themed horror, what's yours?

Picky Eaters

Over the 25 years I’ve been alive, I’ve met plenty of picky eaters. (And for the record, people with food sensitivities, religious dietary restrictions or those who choose to be vegetarian/vegan don’t count as “picky” for the purposes of this argument.) Also, I'm not including kids right now, because I'm willing to give them some leeway. I find picky eaters’ entire existence to be weird to me, but then again, I don’t consider myself picky. There are three or four things I refuse to eat, but that’s it. After a lot of thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two types of picky eaters: removers and non-removers.

Here’s what I mean- Person A and Person B are both picky, and for the point of this argument, they both dislike the same food, say mushrooms. They both go to a pizza party where all the cheese pizza has been eaten, leaving only mushroom left. Person A will remove the offending topping and eating their now mushroom-less pizza. Person B will sit in the corner and sulk about the fact that there’s no cheese pizza left. Person A is a “remover”, Person B is not. I tend to dislike Person B a lot more.

Don’t get me wrong. People like what they like. Everyone in my family except me likes zucchini; hearing how much they like it doesn’t make me any more inclined to eat it. But I also don’t expect everyone else to accommodate my preferences. If I dish has something I don’t like, I’ll eat around it or get something else. If cheese pizza is the only kind of pizza you’ll eat, and you refuse to remove any toppings you dislike, either ask someone to save you some, or get in line before all the cheese is eaten. It’s not my responsibility to make sure your specific tastes are accounted for.

Thinking about picky eaters, in the above example, got me thinking about picky eaters at restaurants. Having worked in food service before, I’ve got some strong opinions about accommodating people with very particular taste. My philosophy boils down to this: be realistic and don’t make your specific order super disruptive to the person making it. You want a burger, but without lettuce? That’s fine. The burger is made-to-order, they can just not put the lettuce on. You want clam chowder without potatoes in it? Not gonna happen. The chowder’s already been made, the kitchen’s not gonna make a separate soup just for you. It all depends on what you don’t want and are trying to remove. My sister doesn’t like poached eggs, but she loves eggs Benedict; her solution is to order “eggs Benedict without the egg”. She gets weird looks, but its possible to do that. A restaurant probably can’t give you dairy-free fettuccine Alfredo at the drop of a hat. If the ingredient you don’t like can’t easily be substituted out or removed, order something else.

Everyone’s tastes are different. I understand that. But I can’t really understand people who know they don’t like something and refuse to put in a little bit of effort to avoid it.

You HAVE to See This Movie!

It’s a sentence I hear most of the time when someone finds out I haven’t seen a particular movie. I’m told that I absolutely “have” to see this movie. Sometimes the reasoning is just “it’s a classic, how have you not seen it”. Other times, the person acts as if seeing this one movie will completely change my life and I won’t be the same afterwards. Either way, the insistence is the same. I have to see that movie.

Do I though? Do I really? If I’ve survived 25 years having not seen Gone With the Wind how will my life suddenly be different having watched it? If I’m fine having never watched Rain Man, I don’t see how I’ll be a completely different person two hours and thirteen minutes later. I don’t need to watch The Sixth Sense because I knew what the twist was before I was even old enough to watch the movie. Avatar may have, at one point, been the highest-grossing movie of all-time, but I’ve never had the urge to see it.

Now, for the most part I understand the sentiment. The movie in question is a well-known movie and/or one that did well at the box office. Or maybe its just this person’s favorite movie and they want other people to see it to see what they think. My problem isn’t with someone insisting I see a movie. It’s more that, sometimes, it gets hyped up too much, or the reason the person insists I see it doesn’t make sense to me. This kind of falls into two categories: movies I need to see because they’re classics, and movies that were popular.

Let’s talk about classic movies first. Just because a film is a classic doesn’t mean its good. Citizen Kane is considered to be the greatest film of all time, but the story itself isn’t great. A lot of the accolade comes from technical aspects of the film being excellent. The cinematography, the editing, the musical score and plot structure. The plot itself isn’t that great. The only thing most people remember from Citizen Kane is the whole “Rosebud” thing, which I knew about before having watched the film. There are also some cultural or social reasons why I don’t want to see a particular classic film. Plenty haven’t exactly aged well. The Jazz Singer isn’t just a classic film, it made history since it was the first feature film to have full sound. There’s also a lot of blackface happening in the film. I think too many people equate a film being influential with it being good or entertaining. Those aren’t always the same thing.

Also, let me take a brief break and bring up something related to the “it’s a classic argument” that I think people overlook. There are some movies I don’t want to watch because, while they may be classics, I know they’re going to upset me. The premise itself is going to upset me. I don’t necessarily want to watch a movie that I know is going to make me cry my eyes out. Certain topics, even certain time periods, I know the movie’s going to upset me, so I don’t watch it. I don’t care that it’s a classic.

And now, for the other category, films that are popular, so therefore everyone must’ve seen them. Box office sales aren’t necessarily a measure of quality. The Transformers films did well at the box office and they’re 80% explosions with barely any plot. The Saw films made a lot of money, but they don’t have much to offer other than a bunch of fake blood. If you want proof of ticket sales not being proof of quality, look no further than the Fifty Shades films. I rest my case. I want to watch films that tell interesting stories. A film doing well at the box office, or winning awards, doesn’t promise that. There are plenty of Best Picture awards that have been given to boring movies. Or just bad ones.

Look, opinions are relative. If you think a particular movie is amazing, that’s great. Maybe I agree, maybe I don’t because we have different tastes. I’ve met people who hate the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe because they don’t find any of it that interesting. I was once talking to someone who didn’t like Star Wars. There are people out there who’ve never seen, and never wanted to see, Harry Potter. To me, that’s insane, but that’s just me. My point is, I haven’t seen every movie you have, I might not want to see every movie you’ve ever seen. Stop making me feel guilty or weird for not having seen it.

Are there any movies people insist you see that you really don’t want to?